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April 21

April 21st started off just like any other day. I sent my daughter Mehrunnisa off to school. I said good bye to my husband Sami as he left for work. I began my day. I sent some emails. Worked on a few projects. Made a few calls… My plan after that was to have lunch and head to the gym. I signed on to facebook around 12:40ish. A link to a TMZ report appeared on my feed saying there was a fatality at Prince’s studio complex, Paisley Park. My heart skipped a beat, but bravely, I clicked on the story. “Not him” I said outloud. The report just stated a fatality, so I figured it wasn’t him, but I was uneasy. I had had this funny feeling about Prince for several weeks… Something wasn’t right. I pushed the feeling of dread down and made a sandwich. It was about 1pm now. I picked up my phone. My friend Erin had sent me a fb message with the link. I replied, “It’s probably ok, They didn’t say who it was.” I tried to convince myself it was a staffer, surely not Prince. Prince can’t …. DIE. I put the phone down. I picked it up again. She wrote back, “It’s him, it’s him. Omg, it’s him. Nile Rodgers just tweeted it….”

My reaction was basically the same as when my mom called to tell me my brother had passed. I began to shake… I could barely catch my breath. And I started screaming, “NO! NO! NOoooo!” Not Prince… not my Prince… NOoooo. I ran around my bedroom in circles. I collapsed on the floor and started to cry. Then came the flood of texts, calls, and fb posts to my page. Everyone who knew me seemed to look to me first to either check if it was true, or to console me.

See, because I love Prince. I have always loved Prince. And I always will love Prince. From the depths of my soul, with every fiber of my being, I love Prince. When I was younger, I didn’t like to say things like that to too many people. Because I thought it sounded, crazy. How can I love someone I never met? Was what I felt even love? Maybe it was obsession. Now with time and age, I’ve grown less worried about the perception of others in regards to my feelings. Now that he is gone, I want to shout it from the hilltops. Because I am proud that I recognized the unique beautiful being that he was. I am proud that I “got” him. Amazed that I was here to experience him here on earth. That his music resonated with my soul so deeply…That is why he made music, and this is why I listened. Prince was Mr. EVERYTHING. He shaped me as a woman, an artist, a person… and gave me some of the very very happiest moments of my entire life. Since he passed, I also have realized so many lessons he provided that I did NOT heed, but I will do it now. So he is still shaping me as a person, isn’t that amazing?  I cannot lie…my heart is shattered by this loss. I’m not over it, I’m still trying to parse it all every day. It’s almost as though part of my DNA got erased, or at the very least I lost some deep part of myself. But I know Prince would want us all to keep it moving. Keep being our very best creative self while we are here. I will do my best Prince, but I miss you something awful….

I spent about 2 ½ solid hours crying some intense tears on April 21st. I only stopped when it was time to get M from the schoolbus. Later that afternoon, I wrote the following and shared it with my fb friends…


I am the girl who still recalls the exact moment when she heard When Doves Cry.

I was the girl who fell in love the first time she saw the video.

I was the girl whose who was inexplicably changed forever when she saw Purple Rain.

I was the girl who went back to see it again the next day.

I was the girl who watched it on VHS every week for months at her friend Tasha’s house (every Tuesday).

I was the girl who brought her “Around the World in a Day” album to school the day after it came out.

I was the girl who ran over to April’s house after she heard “Girl” for her because Prince officially blew her mind.

I was the girl who slept with the radio on and remembers waking up to hear “Pop Life” the first time it aired (the same thing happened with Kiss and Sign of the Times).

I was the girl who cried so hard at the end of “Under the Cherry Moon” in the movie theater while her mom fell asleep.

I was the girl who saw “Sign of the Times” in the movie theater the day it came out.

I was the girl who brought the video of ‘Sign’ to the rehab center where her brother Howard was being treated and made everyone watch it.

I was the girl that insisted she write her final English paper in high school on Prince.

I was the girl who went to my first Prince concert with her brother Dwayne.

I was the girl who got an autographed single of ‘I Wish U Heaven’ from the band the next day at Dwayne’s office.

I was the girl who met two other crazy Prince girls on line for Prince tickets, and began the best time of my life with them by my side.

I was the girl who almost got fired for skipping work to get those Prince tickets.

We were the girls who chased Prince all over New York.

We were the girls who caught Prince’s towel as he drove passed us outside the Apollo.

We were the girls who got a very up close view of those see-through lace pants

I was the girl who went to Minneapolis with Rachael on the ultimate Prince chase.

I was the girl who got a fabulous, but short-lived job with Paisley Park Music. (Prince asked about me once…)

We were the girls who took turns sleeping outside in a snowstorm to get to the front of the stage.

Mauri and I were the girls who pushed Rach up on that stage to dance with him.

I was the girl who started bellydancing because Prince’s wife was a bellydancer.

I was the girl who for a time loved Prince more than anything in the world. It was amazing.

That girl died today along with Prince.

“Until the end of time, I’ll be there for you. You own my heart and mind, I truly adore you. If God one day struck me blind, you’re beauty I’d still see. Love is too weak to define…just what you mean to me”

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